Chauncey Depew?????? ….. everyone has their own sense of logic….and or humor.

So, I made the first step yesterday…and went to Snap Fitness…I’ve been paying them for about three years now….and if they actually charged me for my exercise time used, I’d have a free lifetime membership by now…..

In any case I had on a too tight fitting sweatshirt..(everything is too tight fitting right now)….and sweatpants that I had to keep pulling up…..big gut..no butt…..I should say the Sweatshirt isn’t long enough….so my gut pops out from under my shirt…and I gotta keep pulling it down…and then my sweats fall down and my skinny but pops out…..(the only thing left on me that’s skinny)…and all this is happening before I even start the workout, just walking from the parking lot to the entrance.

No Life-cycle available…drat….so I eye the Treadmill in the front row as far left as I could go….guys behind me are on those iron man machines..you know…it’s a stair stepper/treadmill/ski machine all rolled into one….there are two of these guys….serious….and skinny…and they are just rockin and rollin..they eye me with a look of “who is this guy kidding?”… and “Oh No, my CPR card isn’t uptodate and I don’t wanna breathe in his mouth anyway…he’s a dead-man if he goes down”

Self consciously, I mount the Treadmill….it’s been so long, (I know..there’s a joke there somewhere).. I have to read the instructions…..first thing I notice is it says “For the long distance runner”…. I got news for this machine….it’s going to be disappointed with me….

Finally, I hit the right button and the treadmill groans to a start….I figure…two miles..that’ll be my best…..plug in the ipod and start playing my tunes…. one hand on my shirt and the other on my pants…pulling up with one and down with the other…this isn’t going to be easy…..I can’t hold onto the darn machine to steady myself….all signs that I truly am in the worst shape of my life and evidence of my need to be there….but I’m preoccupied with my gut popping out and my pants falling down…..yet off I go….Finally, I figured out that if I pull up my pants high enough…(over my gut) I solve both problems…except now it looks like I have exercise culottes on…and my excessively white shins are showing….(I think that’s how you spell culottes….girls wore them back in my day..they called them pedal pushers..but I just didn’t want to use that expression….After all, I have a shred of pride.)

Once underway, I could increase the speed a few notches and the incline….I was feeling pretty sporty….until my sweatpants worked their way down again and I had to quickly pull them up…and then pull the shirt down. 

The guys behind me….(sometimes I hate mirrors don’t you?) were still still rockin and rollin…but they were grinning at each other about something…..I’m not sure what….so I checked the TV monitors in front…nothing there…hmmmm, I wonder what they found so amusing…?  

The longer I went the more I felt I could use some amusement too…..and they had gone from real serious exercise guys to two of the most good natured smiling and laughing guys I think I’d ever seen…..I’d give anything for just an ounce of their humor right now…because I was starting to sweat and breath hard… I looked down…. two tenths of a mile….geez….but on I went….along about 4 tenths of a mile, I realized 2 miles was just a goal….and you don’t alway’s reach your goal…so I was self satified that I had set the bar so high.  

I made it just over a mile…but I’m sure I’ve made two great new workout buddies…because they were still smiling and grinning after I cleaned the sweat off my machine….it was curious though…when I looked at them to acknowledge their good naturedness, they looked away…and the wide open grins turned into tight lipped smiles..like they were surpressing their great spirits….they must’ve been breathing through their noses….hmmmm….I’m still wondering what made them so happy after I got there…but if I know anything about people, I know these two guys have a great sense of humor…and I’m gong to enjoy working out with them.

I’m going back today…eventually….

I wonder is suspenders would work on Sweat Pants?